The "Exit Interview" list

Thursday 2.10.2011 we saw one of the great coaching minds in NBA history hang it up. No matter how you felt about the Utah jazz, Jerry Sloan was as consistent and good a coach as any team could ask for. You don’t hold the same job in such a fickle environment for 23 years unless you are good at what you do. Most of us have only been doing any one thing for that long because it is essential for survival (breathing, for instance) and some of us have not even been breathing that long.

Sloan was the definition of old school, a hard-nosed guy who was the same on the court with the Bulls as he was with a clipboard on the Jazz bench. I have never been a Jazz fan, but watching them play you could always tell they were an extension of Sloan’s toughness and game smarts on the court. Jerry will be missed if only because we are so used to seeing him. But rather than dwell on what happened in Utah leading up to his resignation or trot down a memory lane that makes me talk about Karl Malone (not doing it) I had a better idea.

In honor of Sloan, who should no doubt be given a gold watch in honor of his service to the NBA, let’s take a look at all the guys in the NBA who are either close to hanging it up or should be FORCED to find a new form of employment. I call it the “Exit Interview” list, but it can also be considered the solution to the NBA’s cash flow problem. The list has two outcomes:

1. You leave with the obligatory Gold Watch. A symbol of all you have brought to the game and a thank you from the NBA and its fans. This doesn’t mean you were necessarily a champion, but you were a high level contributor for enough years to warrant recognition.

2. You are presented with a Bill. You may not think you are done yet, but you are done. The NBA and the fans have had enough of you stealing money or hanging on waaaay past your prime, which may have been a season and a half long. You are being held accountable for the time wasted watching you fail or overvalue yourself or literally steal money from an organization. The official poster child for this category is Sasha “the machine” Vujacic. If you think that may be harsh, consider this. He gave himself that nickname, and that’s really enough reason right there. On board? Good, let’s take a look at the list as it stands today in no particular order.

Hostage situation? Presumably how Sasha negotiated his last Lakers contract.

(Guidelines: 5 year minimum in the league. Either relatively close to retirement or should already be retired.)

Gold Watch: Great to have you, thanks for playing

Mike Bibby: You almost reached Sam Cassell status with the big shot ability and late game threat persona. Then you went to Atlanta, where the lack of heart has been documented on this very blog.

Ray Allen: Jesus Shuttlesworth

Kevin Garnett

Shaquille Oneal

Jason Kidd

Dirk Nowitzki

Baron Davis: I'm giving him the watch, mostly because of the "what if his knees had held up" argument. And because of the dunk over AK47 in the 2007 West Semis.

Kobe Bryant

Derek Fisher: please know you only get the watch because of the name above you...and the one 4 names above him. Now retire.

Jason Williams: White Chocolate? Yeah he hung on too long but the elbow pass?? The crossover on Gary Payton!...nuff said.

Zydrunas Ilglauskas: 11 years in Cleveland, give the man SOMETHING

Lebron James

Dwyane Wade

Vince Carter: One more overrated injury, and you get a bill

Steve Nash

Grant Hill: Vince Carter could learn a thing or two from him

Marcus Camby: I'm giving it to him, hometown bias

Tim Duncan

Antonio McDyess: If you remember him in Denver with the ridiculous hops and subsequent knee surgeries, it’s amazing he is still getting it done at any level.

Chauncey Billups

Antawn Jamison

Bill: You ain't got to go home...

Sasha Vujacic: Poster child. This is your FINAL notice. If the NBA does not receive payment they will be forced to repossess your supermodel and your hair ties.

Etan Thomas

Jermaine Oneal: Yes the years in Indiana were good, but short. The time spent on the bench in Portland and in Miami loom large. Plus he may be 32, but his knees are 78 years old each.

Marquis Daniels

Shaun Livingston

Kwame Brown: When you were found hiding in your SUV with empty McDonald’s bags, we should have known.

Boris Diaw

Brian Scalabrine: At this point, only Steelers fans are impressed by the towel waiving.

Keith Bogans

Anthony Parker

Mo Williams: Make checks payable to “South Beach”

Anderson Verejao: See Mo Williams for preferred method of payment

Brian Cardinal

Brendan Haywood

Anthony Carter

Melvin Ely

Al Harrington

Chris Wilcox

Charlie Bell

Dan Gadzuric

Vladimir Radmanovic

Jared Jeffries

TJ Ford

Jeff Foster: Yeah I remember that crazy rebounding streak you had in the 03-04 playoffs. Don’t tease if you can’t deliver.

Rasual Butler

Brian Cook

Ryan Gomes

Luke Walton

Joe Smith

Theo Ratliff: Really? Doesn't it seem like Ratliff was drafted in 1989?

Eric Dampier: I saw you at Mississippi State, and you are no you at Mississippi State

Juwan Howard: Fab 5...this one hurts. But that 105 million dollar contract and no memorable production justify it

Jamal Magloire: You were an All Star once, should have quit while you were ahead

Earl Boykins: short is no excuse

Keyon Dooling

Darko Milicic: This is your second notice, pay up

Sebastian Telfair: Stay in school kids

Troy Murphy

Quinton Ross

Marcus Banks

Willie Green

DJ Mbenga

Eddie Curry

Royal Ivey

Morris Peterson

Malik Allen

Tony Battie

Jason Kapono

Sean Marks

Beno Udrich

Reggie Evans

Francisco Elson

Ronnie Price

EVERY Duke player ever drafted who is NOT named (Carlos Boozer, Elton Brand, Chris Duhon, Corey Maggette, Shane Battier, Grant Hill, Luol Deng or *barely* JJ Reddick)

The list is fluid and up for debate. At least 2 cents welcome.

-Khari Rose-